The week Fiona visited us .

Her teaching was about "Sin Repentence and the Cross" 

She tought us about leaking…so many times we do that, showing oure feeling with oure body , oure expressions.

She spoke about a lot of subjects we normally don't talk about 

She explained what we could do when we are in a difficult situation ( like anger, frustration or temptation)…Arrow up to God.

Pray to Him the moment u feel weak , ask for His help right away.

The thing that really impacted me was how she helped me letting go of fear i had inside me .

She wanted to have one on one talks with us, we talked at Wednesday evening.

That morning we got teaching from her, and i was feeling like i felt for a long time …just blank , num , no feelings, if i felt anything it would have bin anxiety , if u would asked me how i was doing i would have said ; i don't know.

And she saw that in me, whenever she asked a question she looked at me to see if she could some responds from me but i didn't answered her look.

But later that day when we had a one on one conversation.

She asked me how did i got her in YWAM , what was it that led me to Herrnhut.

I thought this might be the last time i see her so i might as well tell her the whole story , i have nothing to lose .

So i told her everything , i talked for almost 45 minutes , i felt like 5 minutes.

And she was amazed , i wasn't that person she met in class , i could actually talk ;p

She wondered why i was so quiet in class and not with her .

I told her about how i sometimes get nervous when im in a group , "scared" to share my opinion, " is my answer good enough? will my english talking be good?"

And i  just became quiet  and listened to everybodys else .

That nervous sometimes became much bigger and could end in panicking.

She suggested that the next day i would stand infront of the class and tell everyone how i felt and why i was sometimes so quiet.

That made me nervous 2 , but i did it , and its true , speaking out loud sets it free , it was so great seeing they all came up and stood around me and started praying for me .

That feeling is hard to describe but it was good.

And i keep reminding myself of this everytime that feeling of anxiety gets to me.

On thursday evening we had a extra session with her.

That session was also very important to us, the big wooden cross was lying on the ground , she had put bags with ashes there and buckets with soap and water.

She wanted us to worship God with oure eyes covered with sleeping masks, we couldn't watch anyone else .

We prayed to God and ask Him to reveil the  sins which where still inside us, the once we didn't confessed .

So i did that, and put the ashes on my hand , i prayed with Magdalena and she washed my hands clean , together we prayed again.

And as a reminder of this she put a red cord on my hand.

After it i still felt guilty , as if the devil was saying to me , you didn't confesed all of you're sins, so Fiona advised me to go back to Magdalena and pray with her again.

We did… and i felt walls being broken , and i prayed and prayed …

I will not forget that night.